However, we can
only change something if we actively take part in shaping our matters and our
fate. It sounds good but the realization is not that easy. It is much more
convenient to let routine and comfort rule our everyday life. We are
powerlessly floating with the flood as a prisoner of the circumstances.
Whatever will be, will be – as it is said –, and we continue tumbling on the
waves of fate as a ship left behind among the waves.
But where did the sea captain disappear?
During coaching
we use metaphors. If we imagine that our
life is a boat, what kind of boat do we see? Where and how fast is it
going, who are on board and last but not least, who is at the steering wheel?
As a thoughtful
adult we might feel tempted to immediately come up with an answer: Me, of
course!
It is worth
examining though if this is really the truth. Fine, I am on the ship as well,
but is it really me who is steering it? Is it really me who is paying attention
to the sea, who is signalling, is it me who decides when to release and furl
the sail? Do I see the map in front of me, do I pay attention to where I want
to get to? Am I going anywhere at all?
It might be that
I am indeed the captain, but my boat has been standing still for quite some
time. I cast the anchor in a smooth bay, I am watching the waves all day long
and I am waiting for the sunset.
It is also possible that my boat is moving forward but I am not the one
steering it. Somebody
perhaps took over the steering, explained to me why it is better for everybody
and I am only assisting during the journey. It is obviously more comfortable that
I do not have to stand next to the steering wheel, I do not have to pay
attention to the gadgets and hold the field all day long in the storm, not to
mention worrying about getting lost.
During a
coaching session we can look into the type of behaviour that is the most
typical for us among the four types listed below.
A passive person feels during his whole
life – as a result of his upbringing or perhaps due to his inherited personal
characteristics – that it is better if he remains quiet and does not chip on
the flow of events. Not even if it concerns his own matters. The motto is: least
said soonest mended.
An aggressive person does everything to
achieve his goals. He wants to control and manage everything, he pays no regard
to his environment.
A person behaving
manipulatively is tempted to hide
his true feelings and is trying to influence his environment in favour of his
own interests.
The fourth type of behaviour is assertiveness. An assertive person accepts himself and his
environment as well. His objective is to enforce his interests, achieve his goals
but at the same time he takes into account the needs of the people around him.
He is not afraid to ask questions and to communicate openly.
An assertive sea
captain is self-confidently and steadily holding on to the steering wheel. He
is aware of what the ship is capable of and realizes his own role. He takes
responsibility for not causing any harm to the freight and the passengers. He
is aware of the route and handles the occurring challenges in a calm way.
However, assertive behaviour can trigger displeasure in many cases. A lot of people are only dreaming during their
whole life about doing what they would really want to do. At the same time they
consider those people self-centred who bend the task to manage their own fate,
realize their own desires and they do something to fulfil them.
We have to
realize that if we would like to ensure the well-being of our environment then
first we have to feel level-headed. First I have to charge my batteries, if later
on I want to be able to uplift my environment with love, understanding and
energy.
Think about the main scenes of our life and analyse
how assertive we are in different situations. Formulate our interests and examine how we can
enforce them. What are the interests of the people living around us? How are
those interests related to ours? The assertive behaviour
can be learnt and practiced.
Start the process with a
small step. Start it today. Make one step each day towards the steering wheel.
